The Honorary Third Wheel

B ut the next day, I did get to go on a date…

With Angela and her “blind date”, as the honorary third wheel.

Before I go into detail about the date, I should tell you a little bit about Angela. Angela’s my good friend from university. Charming, witty, funny, direct, cute as a button and has a smile that lights up the room. I could take her anywhere and grandmas and grandpas, aunties and uncles, basically the general population from the previous generation would fall in love with her instantly. A princess at heart. But without the fussiness. Clear headed on the things that matter, and quite muddy headed on the things that don’t. Not the most organized and diligent student, but efficient and effective at cramming. She always did better than me on last minute cramming sessions, especially if it involved math. We’d spent many nights studying together, painting nails, talking about boys, sharing diet tips, I’d tell her how to be sexy, and she’d tell me how to be classy, and I’d crash on her couch and she’d make me overcooked instant noodles in the morning.

After graduation, much to my disappointment, she moved back to China immediately for, well…love. (Don’t you just hate it when men steal your favourite girlfriends from you?!) I’ve known her for many years now and seen the boyfriends come and go, all of which were seriously considered for marriage. I really thought she’d be married by now.  I had twice planned to come back to Tianjin for her wedding as the maid of honour and twice the plan fell through. She is turning 30 this year. Thirty is an awkward age for a single woman in Tianjin (even though it’s the third largest city in China, after Shanghai and Beijing, people are still somewhat conservative here), where most girls have serious boyfriends at 23 and get married at around 25. At 30, you really are considered, kind of… left over.

Angela’s mom is determined to find her a husband, this year. She’s fully retired but completely at work with this matchmaking business for my dear friend. For a woman, in the eyes of the Chinese at least, happiness for the latter part of her life is largely attributable to the man she chooses to marry. Choosing the right man, is almost more important than choosing the right career. I have heard a famous Chinese actor say, and he’s well known for being a great husband, “If you want a woman to be more beautiful, give her more bliss.” A beautiful woman is a happy woman. A happy woman is happy because she’s in a blissful marriage. Auntie Sun is such a woman.

Auntie Sun, when you first look at her, you don’t immediately think she’s a wife, or she’s a mother, you’d think she’s a woman, first and foremost. Years of child rearing, of duty and responsibility haven’t left a trace of bitterness or hardship on her face. All you see is beauty and grace and peace. Like life has been a smooth flowing river, and she a boat, letting the gentle current carry her, running its course.

Now that she’s recently retired, her days are even fuller than when she was working. When she’s not busy scheduling men for Angela to meet as potential husbands, she’s taking photography lessons, getting facials at the Spa, or going to badminton practices. One week she’s in Vietnam and the next she’s ready to check out Bali, perfectly happy to pick up her bags and head on out on her own. Smooth as silk in all kinds of social situations. She’s someone who gets happiness. Who won’t stress herself out over nothings, or belabor over duty, or force her daughter into doing things against Angela’s will. She’s a caring and thoughtful mother with the enthusiasm for life as a twenty year old girl. And she has impeccable taste: she likes my panda eyes.

Auntie Sun used to work as a flight attendant, back when it was a glamorous profession reserved for only the young and beautiful and privileged. She later on married the captain of the flight crew, before he became big and successful. It’s the classic fairy tale of a woman from a distinguished family, who marries a man from the village for nothing but love. The man later on becomes successful, and they live happily ever after. It really worked out that way in their case. You see, like dreams, fairy tales sometimes do live in reality.

Auntie Sun is trying to replicate this success formula with Angela’s man-hunting mission.

And I get to go on these matchmaking dates with her.

The first boy I meet is the son of one of Angela’s customers. Angela has a good job working at Chinese bank managing money for rich people. A couple of her premier clients really liked her and introduced their son to Angela, which makes logical sense, “Hey we trust you with our money, why wouldn’t we trust you with our son?”

The boy is 28, good looking, educated, has a stable job and comes from a rich family. Check, check, check and check. On paper he’s perfect. But when it comes to chemistry…not so much. They went to watch a movie while I got my nails done, and then we all went for dinner together.

Nice nails, eh? Even butterflies can't keep away.

Anyways, back to the point.

Being the observant third wheel, it’s clear as day that Angela’s not into him. But I didn’t exactly understand why, until later, when she explained things to me, “He’s two years younger than me. Some of the things he does or says still make me feel like he’s immature.” A lot of girls prefer guys who are older. If not older, then at least more mature. We don’t go through dramatic events on a regular basis from which to judge a guy’s character, but we need to make a decision nonetheless, and quickly. So we watch for the details. Love is in the details.

One time, Angela, her date, and I went to Beijing on a day trip. A friend I’d met in Toronto was acting as our tour guide and showing us around town. When we came out of a popular tourist spot, empty cabs were few and far in between, since it was also a long weekend. While all of us were standing in the middle of the street in the heat and wind trying to flag down a cab, Angela’s date went to sit at the curb to rest. She later told me that was very impolite of him. “It’s your friend from Toronto, who’s doing us a favor showing us around. He’s not even his friend. How could he just sit like a spoiled brat and wait to be served a cab?”

You see, a lot of women, no matter how independent, or mature, or accomplished, deep down, they really just want to be taken care of. It is very easy to tell quite early on, whether the guy is up for the job.

And he wasn’t, so the search continues.