The Tipping Point

Oftentimes we need a catalyst to initiate change.

Grandma’s 90th birthday was exactly that, the life-saving straw to pull me out of this life stuck in second gear. The decision to take 3 months off work was a gradual process, kind of like the way Canada gained its independence. I didn’t just wake up one day and rushed into my boss’ office to tell her I wanted a 3 month vacation. We probably all secretly wish for it, but when it comes to time for action, need a logical reason, a sound excuse, to pursue dreams that seem to give us no tangible benefits other than pure pleasure, as if the pursuit of happiness isn’t good enough of a reason.

Of course, I am acutely aware, especially with constant reminders from grandma and my loving Chinese parents, that another major contributor to happiness is - love. And I need to find that too.

My love life has been more or less, a blank one for the past few years. That is not to say, I haven’t been trying to meet people. The dating scene in Vancouver offers quite a bit of multicultural diversity. If you wanted to date an Indian, or Korean, or Chinese, or European in Vancouver, it is as easy as going to any of the above listed restaurants. And with this diversity comes quite a wide range of interpretations of what it means to be a gentleman. If it is still cool to be a gentleman. (Some believe chivalry is dead, and act like it is.) And equally importantly, what do the men want? Do they want the Asian face but none of the Asian values and habits that come with the face? I’ve been struggling with this fusion (or perhaps more accurately, confusion) of identity. Do I want an Asian boyfriend or a non-Asian one? Just exactly how Chinese am I? Sometimes I feel like I connect with the locals better, other times I feel like there’s a big part of me, the Chinese part of me, that they can’t understand and don’t care to know. What do I want and what can I realistically expect from the dating scene here? How much of it is cultural and how much of it is individual? Is the reason I haven’t had much luck because I’ve been looking for oranges among a pile of apples?

Maybe I’ll find some oranges in China…

For the past few years, grandma’s been not-so-subtly hinting that she would like to have everyone come back to China for her 90^th birthday. In Chinese culture, obeying your parents, grandparents, and respecting your elders is number one in the rules of proper moral conduct. So my dad and I from Canada, uncle from Japan, and cousin from the US, we all book our flights to go back to Tianjin, China, to celebrate this important day with her.

I am lucky in the sense that I work in the consulting business, where it’s possible to even take a year of unpaid leave-of-absence if you ever felt like you needed to volunteer in Africa. The firm will simply not staff you onto new projects. So I book one month off in my work calendar, notifying my HR rep and career counselor. But when it came time to booking flights, I thought about all the places I wanted to see in China, which would take at least 2 months to cover. Why not book the return flight two months out, and ask for an extension once I’m in China? If the firm insists on having me back, I could change the date, or quit.

And then, almost as an afterthought: since I’m already in China, why not go to Bali, live by the beach and experiment with my dream for a month? Could living my dream, however temporary it may be, be this close to reality? Great idea! I give myself a pat on the back and change return date from June 10^th to July 10^th - three whole months of freedom. I click confirm, and the flights are booked. I sit back into my chair, and relished for a moment, the sweetness of having to decide between Window or Aisle?

This was how I gained my independence, a gradual process.